The Diversion: À propos de moi 2

The inevitable downward spiral.

My lowest high. My highest low. All at once? Maybe.

From where we left, from that lethal duo, I was cruelly pulled back to the mundane life I now led. Or did I?  Just when I was getting used to the shoes I had, just fitting into them, the ground beneath my feet shook and slipped away. Just like that, all of it slipped away.

ALL OF IT.

Regret.

                       Loss.

Freedom.

It came at a price, all of it did. That plane trip back home, that sense of not belonging anywhere, it scared me. Simply put. I ate, slept and thought Fear. A very powerful emotion, indeed, that fear continues to make itself felt every now and then. It is easy to ‘belong’ when you know who you must wake up to be every morning; but, what if, you suddenly have no role to play in your own life’s stage? The midnight hour strikes, with such thoughts unrelentingly swimming in my mind, and the earliest sparks of dawn peek through. New day, new energies, new lives. As chaos within my mind ensued, I shifted cities: 3 cities, 2 countries, barely a year. As the shift began, once again, I learnt how to hold on to moments, to stop attaching memories to a place or to people: only to what they taught me.

To those little glances I had at what the purpose of my humanely existence truly was.

To, maybe, just live. 

 

New city, new people, new ways of living. And, of course, new school. Looking back at those scraped and barely pulled-through moments, there is nothing I regret doing. Tough times, one voice would scream in my head while the other simply accepted times as they were and pushed me to carve a new identity for myself. A long time ago, I had wished for this, and here it was. I was living this wish, and wishing for this life. This was an environment I had only fantasised about till now, where there was more to a school than grades and academics and who made it to the very top. 

Here, they gave importance to everything else about you too.

Here, they valued who you were.

And, I became. 

I became all that I am and much, much more. You know what students these days really need to learn in school? They need to learn and realise that they have an individual voice, the voice that makes them who they are. This individuality needs to be valued, because it is this voice that truly makes a person. Really. It is that simple. Give them space to explore, to GROW and you will have a school not full of machines, but full of real people.

People who have the real power to change the world.

That said, in this school, current school rather, every day has been full of new energy and optimism. It does have to do with the school, but it has a lot more to do with the way things work here. From the college counsellor to the helpers, I am now able to have a worthwhile conversation with almost anybody within the 60 acres of this school’s campus. I have seen and heard stories, felt people’s emotions like shrapnel slowly slicing through each layer of my strengthened skin and been the listening ear for almost everybody. I share my stories too, but very prudently; there is so much more to hear than to say sometimes. 

ALWAYS.

Once upon a time, there had been a dream. A dream I had seen for myself. Slowly, I began living it. Every inch of me, the first thought in the morning and the last one at night, even the thought that fought to exist at twilight: it was all for this dream. The dream to make it big, to discover and put to use the power I knew was mine and mine only, to carve my own niche.

Sometimes, the best moments depict a peculiar human trait. They become competitive.

They whiz by at a speed that challenges even the speed of light.

I would know. Really, I would.

 

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